z’s bubbles 2

Civilization is evil. No matter which one; I, II or III (and I’m guessing IV is evil too): No matter how often you tell yourself you’ll only play for a few minutes, it drains your entire day! or two, or three…

It is interesting to note on what the title says… Sunday we went to see a performance of Handel’s Messiah. It was awesome (and I don’t only say that because Roo was in it). The performance itself was great, the kids pretty much sat still and listened for over an hour… What else can I say

Then there was last night. Everyone was a little tired, the kids were in bed early, we settle down to watch a thriller and 2h later realized why the movie “Flightplan” hadn’t done too good when it was released…

Anyway.

Off to another day in the “furnace”…

I feel fat, I don’t like the way I look, my finger hurts because
I burnt myself again (!), I feel like a failure because we’re still broke if not more so than ever and I still procrastinaste everything there could possibly be to porocrastinate.

In other words, it’s amazing how time can fly. I remember when I was 12, some days just would not end. Then I turned 18 and the days walked by at a faster pace. Then I turned 25 and they started marching at a strong pace. Now, I’m 28 and they drive cars…

Gosh, that sounds depressing.

So what happened over the last 20 days or so?

Well, let’s see. My dad visited. And it was decent. I vaguely remember writing about it, but I must not have. At least glancing over the previous entries I didn’t see it. Of course, maybe I just wrote something dreadful and hid it from myself As far as I remember, the visit went rather well… in perspective that is. No fight, not too many ackward moments… But he’s still flighty… quick to change his opinion to whatever underlines his current feelings. Be it about politics, cars, food, movies… And there’s mom. She didn’t come. But she played “mother” as Roo put it so well; she’s treating both him and me like two children who are supposed to make piece. It’s almost silly. Though I haven’t heard from her in ages. Usually she’s a chatterbox. Should I be worried?

On a completely different note: kids are amazing No matter how rough a day can be, they still are happy. I guess it’s to show what an amazing mother Roo is. Even though she herself is feeling rather miserable through this pregnancy. Poor thing. I wish I could be more helpful. I still get lost in the moment however and forget to do what it would take to make tomorrow easier. Still an ongoing challenge.

Gillian is now quite excited about the perspective of soon having a baby sister. She’s still talking about her sister’s little chair, her sister’s bed we need to buy, etc… And she tries really hard to do new things like pushing the grocery cart in the store or doing mundaine things by herself. Though she seems very insecure about others. But in the right moment she tries… like reading. She sure has me wrapped around her finger though.

Liam has been nicknamed our parrot. Unfortunately, there are no more “mames”. They have become trains now and are far less fascinating. But every red car is still “a fire!”. And of course that’s not something a 2-year old can say quietly. No it has to be yelled out loud. Makes me glad noone is taking him that seriously when he does yell it out because a red pick-up truck just drove by…

And there’s me. How have I been? I feel lost. The days are too short, there is too much to do. I still need to work on my planning skills Work has become more challenging too as the workload increased and there seems dreadfully little time to work on projects as opposed to putting out fires. It gets worse as the project requests pile up. Though it wasn’t really that uplifting that a) I’m probably the only one in my cost center who has not yet had his review and b) that the headcount to make me “permanent” has not been approved for this quarter. But I get to remain on loan for another three months. I was joking earlier that they can’t let me go back. Mostly because of the workload I leveraged off the other team members. But also because of the training they gave me: I know too much.

Seems silly.

I need music.

Badly.

Music, cuddles and a book. But not in that order… cuddles, music and a book. Yes, that sounds much better